Yes I know , you are probably thinking well the cheek of this one deciding to get her typing talons moving after a sustained period of nothing, nada , zilch , sweet feck all! I don’t blame you , I too would tut , eye-ball roll and laugh at such an audacity to show ones face back here again.But I am no quitter so let’s get the shaming slammed, the murmurs of disappointment drowned and for those who enjoy my blabbing (in the minority but they always say great things come in small amounts)may these rusty writing skills bring a smirk to your sexy faces!
The most Wonderful Time of the year has well and truly passed and so has the size of my ass.Gone are the days when it was acceptable to sloth around , eat and drink the main man in the Red Coat under the table and back to the North Pole where he shall remain until next December when we commit all of these deadly, but undeniably decadent indecencies once again.Have we no shame ? Well this is where January years her ugly horns of self loathing and her hopeless ideals of “New Year, New ME”.This mantra needs to go, what I call the graveyard of Bullshit and reside in the town of Never Gonna Happen: Population Ali.
January truly is that month that nobody wants to arrive , counts the minutes down until it ends and at the same time cannot believe arrives again to torture us for 31 days.Its your worst enemy , it’s the last vile tasting chocolate left in the tin that not even your Dad will eat and that girl who just can’t take the hint “he’s just not that into you”.So as the months go I think its safe to say , it’s not up there in the favourites stakes.They why do we and yes I mean all of us , decide to transform every fibre of our being and attach all of our goals to this month, when all we want to do is escape it?It should be called the month of I joined the gym for a year.The first two weeks was amazing.The golden period when I keep to that stupid resolution to not drink too much , say too much and to most definitely do more than I ever thought possible in order to became Wonder Woman of the world.
So as this month of moaning, starvation and trips to that gym that you gotta brave because bitch good money was spent on that place of torture and tears for this bod to resemble that of a God.Personally I would never utter this, all my money is invested in Benefit rather than body and clothes are just bought bigger in Zara.This I admit does hurt the souls for a moment and then the fashion gods sing my praises for the fab new additions to that wardrobe that seems to be spilling like the fat over the top of my jeans. In the wise , wise words of Carrie Bradshaw ” I like to have my money where I can see it , in my closet”.
To recap January is inevitable.This is no denying it and therefore no need to deny yourself of what tickles your nuts.We all need to unite in our grief for the passing of the glory, glitter and glow of December.As here comes the second spoiler – February is around the corner .This means Valentines.This means the singletons most feared Hallmark created holiday of the year.This means eating the whole box of Godiva you bought to yourself from yourself .And that my friends , let me tell you ,is a far scarier concept to deal with than Jolly January as we can now call it .
Let me know if you too are now feeling more love for Jan